So Last week went "decent". I got more active for 4 days last week- did a spin class, a pilates class and did my elliptical trainer for the other two days. Last week I guess I never wrote down my weigh in--it was 243.2
This weeks weigh in is 238.4. Husband is out of town until NEXT monday (and even then, only for a day), and it has brought me a few challenges. Lonliness for one. Depression for the other. Sleeplessness as well. I feel depressed, which is nothing new- I just can't be "happy" and I KNOW I need to feel some happiness to keep myself motivated. I'm desperate to feel something other than overwhelmed. I attempt to bury myself in work and it works okay sometimes. The problem is that aside from A- all of my friends have better friends. I am no one's Go-to friend. I feel like I have made myself an outcast and to be brutally honest I think people don't want to be friends with me because I am fat. The thought of that makes me feel angry--makes me want to get really skinny then shun them, though I am not sure that will really make me feel better...but maybe it would a little bit!
I went out with my friend on Saturday night and what started to be a good evening ended up making me feel worse than I did before I went out. I wont go into detail but it involved some inability to block out her negative energy. I have always had this problem. I am easily dragged down. I wish for once I would be able to separate myself from the negative energy and just feel fine. I am afraid of this upcoming week. I am afraid that I will fail and let my emotions get the best of me but I PROMISE to try not to. I am going to take some measurements tonight and post later on.
For now I will go do elliptical, then I have to shower, do some work and go to my inlaws for a labor day bbq. Wish me luck!
xx drina
