Friday, August 24, 2012

A year and a half...and 22 unwanted extra pounds later

What to say?  I've been in denial.  I've been working a lot, I've been tired. I've been sad. Overwhelmed.   I have a million excuses that all add up to 80 extra pounds.  I've...let myself go and I think I am ready to let go of that too.  I have a love hate relationship with myself, with working out, and with food, and I need to find a way to stop making those three fight, and get to my happy medium.  I need to be inspired, I need to be accountable, so I will start with a humiliating picture (inspired by Katie @runsforcookies) of my scale number, a horrendous picture of myself, and a great reminder as to why I need to take this journey.

There are the obvious reasons: Health, Longevity etc.  But there are also my desires; to wear something other than all black, to look good in the bridesmaid dress I need to wear in June 2013, to be and feel comfortable in pictures, to be happy?  I sort of resent that last part.  We (And when I say "we" I mean I) do tie so much self-worth into our weight, and to be honest it isn't so much about the number as it is feeling great!  Feeling sexy and full of life.  Having energy.  Feeling secure in my personal relationships.   This is going to be a rough journey but I am taking this time here and now to pour my heart and soul into maybe finally loving myself again.  There have been bumps in my life that I secretly blame for this weight gain, but truly I need to blame myself for not caring.  Things will be ok, even if it takes a million years to lose this weight.  I am still young and learning, and my plan of attack and goal for this coming week:

1-No more fast food.  IF I do eat fast food make a healthier choice and budget it into my calorie restrictions (Going for 1500-1800 per day)  --being realistic

2-drink more water!!!!!!!!!  the diet soda is doing me no favors!!

3-try to at least walk 3-4 times this week or do elliptical trainer for 30-40 minutes a day.  again, being realistic, setting doable goals for myself because I would love to say workout every day and eat 1200 calories but I know myself.

4-stick as closely as I can to a diabetic diet.  whole wheat/grains, vegetables, fresh fruit lean cheeses and meats in moderation.

 I will blog as much as I can.  This will be where I let out my blood sweat and tears.  I need this.  I want this!!!  I am praying to god to help me through the way and maybe take a few steps back.

ciao for now--dreen

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